Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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