My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
