I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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