I faked an abortion last night.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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