Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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