Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
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At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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