spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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