he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
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i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
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My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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