I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
