Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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