I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
