That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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