If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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