I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
