I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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