ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
