you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
