69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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