my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
