easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
