i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Randomize
