all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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