I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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