ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
