My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
