I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Randomize
