I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
