It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
