So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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