Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
