He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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