i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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