Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
So many bounce houses so little time
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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