he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
