non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
