She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
