So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
