I think scott just propositioned me for sex
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
