Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
