STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
