I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I could fuck to npr.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
