A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
