By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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