If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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