you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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