Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
