they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
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