The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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