So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
