My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
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Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
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Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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