Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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