Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just puked most of my soul out..
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