dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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