That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
