What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
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