Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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