There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
