Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
