you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
We were destined to go to rehab together
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
i think i just lost a toe
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
