i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I can text with my tongue
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
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