Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
