these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Randomize
