Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize