We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
