OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
