So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
