Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
