you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
