I only kidnapped one of them. chill
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
