I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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