new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
